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Fearless in Relationships

”It takes self-discipline to live a fear free life”

First and foremost, to overcome fear and be confident in who God made you to be, you must know who God says you are and not who people say you are. You are a child of God. He loves you, no matter your imperfections, He loves you and wants to help you to be the best you that you can be.

2 Cor. 5:20 says you are an ambassador of God, what an honour! 1 Peter 2:9 says you are a royal priest/priestess and a peculiar (unique) person because it is God that gave you your looks, strength, personality, and potential, and there is not another you anywhere in this world.

You are a child of the Most High and Living God. See yourself as a confident and independent person because God told you that you can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens you, and you can be secure in God’s love.

Psalm 139:14 says you are beautiful because you are wonderfully and fearfully made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Altogether it is because of God’s grace that you are what and who you are.

2 Timothy 1:7 says ‘God has not given me a Spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind’. If God hasn’t given you something, why would you take it”? The NLT says ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline’.

It takes self-discipline to live a fear free life. Why? The only way to see yourself through God’s eyes is to know Him and learn about who He made you to be. That is why the Bible says that those who know God shall do exploits (Daniel 11:32). Once you know Him, you can achieve anything because you will then understand who He made you to be. Getting free from fear is not a one day affair. It is a way of life. You need to continually renew your mind with the truth of God’s word. You cannot know the power you have or the purpose you have except you first know who you are.

Many of us find ourselves in the continuous cycle of fear and inferiority, always comparing ourselves to others and feeling we don’t measure up. It is time to break out of this and be all that God has created you to be.

The Bible tells us in Hebrews 10:35 “Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward”.

Why would we be told not to fling something away something that we never had? What I understand from this is that we have had fearless confidence at some point. Perhaps you were fearless at one point until something happened to you that has made you fearful.

Fling is a forceful word, it means to move or push (something) suddenly or violently. It denotes anger. Why? Perhaps you have suffered and gone through a lot, your confidence has been shaken but you must continue to trust in Him, do not be shaken, do not be dissuaded that God can and will do what He said He will do in your life.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see”. Faith is the Confidence, it is faith that will give you Fearless Confidence Philippians 1:6 (KJV) says “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”.

The first step is to see yourself as God sees you. He loves you and has created you for good not evil, He has a great purpose for you. All that stands between you and that purpose is getting rid of sin in your life by asking for forgiveness and repenting. Once you do that, the rest is faith. Faith in who God is, faith in who He made you to be and faith that you are able and equipped to walk in that purpose. It is faith that will enable you to resist those thoughts from the past that want to overwhelm you.

Do you know that you can talk yourself out of your blessing because of fear? You can disqualify yourself from marriage or having a successful marriage because of fear? Determine to make your choices based on God’s will for your life and not your feelings about whether you are good enough. It comes down to whether or not you trust God to choose for you.

It might be that you have been hurt through past relationships and now you have built a great brick wall around you? You think you are protecting yourself but you are actually remaining in bondage, you could be pushing away the one meant for you with your attitude. We are not responsible for others and what they did to us but how we respond to it. Open up again, forgive so that you can experience His love that can heal you. Are your insecurities or “emotional baggage” from past relationships hampering your emotional growth? Are they causing you to get involved with unkind individuals, or preventing you from entering any love relationship at all, or causing damage to your current relationship, then it may be time for you to confront the problem head-on, so that you can finally move past the old hurts and attain the relationship happiness you have been seeking for so long.

How do you do this?

Just because certain people may have mistreated you in the past, don’t make the sweeping assumption that every single person from this point forward will treat you shabbily as well. Each new person you meet has the right to be evaluated based on his own unique merits and flaws, as opposed to being evaluated based on your past relationship experiences.

Perhaps in a previous relationship, when someone did x, it meant y, and so you are afraid that the same thing will happen in your marriage. These assumptions can start all manner of conflicts in the home. If your spouse does not know that your action stems from an inner fear, they will assume wrongly about your behaviour. Get to know your spouse, communicate, ask questions when you don’t understand a behaviour. Be honest about your struggles and work it out together with the help of God.

Fears can be allayed when you talk through things together and work out solutions.

Whether you are afraid of how your marriage will turn out, finances, children, whatever it is, God wants you to be free from fear and to trust in Him.

Isaiah 41:10 says Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand Who is your trust in? Fear always taints a relationship, fear is the opposite of faith. If you put your trust in man you will always be disappointed because we are humans. But if you realise that your life is in God’s hands and not in your spouse’s hands then fear is eliminated and you will walk in faith that no matter how your spouse is acting now, things will turn around for your good.

Let’s look at the case of a woman who was fearless in the scriptures. Her name is Abigail and she was facing a crisis. Her husband Nabal had so much offended David that 400 of his men were on their way to kill him and her whole household! One of the first things that we notice is that Abigail was a thermostat and not a thermometer. She was not defined by her environment; rather she created her own style of life. Money had caused her husband Nabal to become arrogant and selfish, however it did corrupt Abigail. Abigail was known to be a woman of good understanding (1 Samuel 25:3). She had the ability to listen, remain calm and find a solution. 1 Samuel 25:18 tells us that “Abigail wasted no time”. A crisis can have paralyzing effects because of fear which you cannot allow to take hold.

Abigail was fearless, she risked her life by facing 400 armed men and spoke boldly. David threatened to kill Abigail’s whole household yet she spoke to him with kindness. In a crisis, how do you speak? Do you speak words of fear or words of faith? Abigail’s story assures us that If we are wise and listen to the voice of God, there will always be a solution to every crisis. EVERYTHING is a matter of perspective. When you change the way you look at something, the thing you are looking at changes.

John 6:33 tells us to “…be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” Therefore, you can overcome any crisis when God is on your side!


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